08 December 2009

Holiday Faux Pas.

The holiday season brings people hustling & bustling
Amidst all the craziness, don't forget your manners
Or your Common Sense!! 

It's like they can be lost in the frenzy.
Maybe they took a holiday vacation. 
Maybe they flew south with the geese for the winter. 
Where-ever they are, get them back!!! 

Here are some Holiday [DON'Ts]! 

1. Don't Hate On Someone's Bake Goods. 
Especially if they are still in the room!!! Baking is a delicate and testy little skill. It takes precision and a good oven. Just ask Martha! But, if you find yourself choking down a cookie - just politely excuse yourself or tell Mr./Mrs. Baker that you will enjoy these with a glass of coffee later - then and only then, in private can you throw them out. 

2. Knocking Over People When Shopping. 
Avoid taking frustrations out on strangers. Please don't blame me if you weren't able to get to the store in time for the extra-30%-off-already-reduced-prices. The best way to avoid pissing people off is to have a plan. Create a list of things and designate a spcific route to take. It will cut down on cost and frustrations! 

3. Being obnoxiously Overly Excited During The Holidays. 
With all the baking, card sending, gift buying, gift wrapping, gift shipping - its a marathon of a season. Be Happy - Be Cheerful, but if the other people around you are frazzled and fried, perhaps lay off the caffiene and back away from the tinsel! You could just be the straw that breaks Rudolf's back!! 

4. Recieving a Gift You Didn't Plan For. 
Just saying, "Oh you shouldn't have, because I didn't get you anything" doesn't fly. If this sort of things happens - remain calm, but most importantly remain tactful
You could say that you didn't know when you were exchanging gifts and you were going to deliver yours in person. 
Or that you must have left it under the tree. 
I always buy a few extra gifts for the just in case situations (I call them J.I.C. presents). Maybe buy a couple candles and place them under the tree with a bow around them. This way your friends/co-workers/neighbors/supervisors/gym buddy/fellow-chess-club-member feels like you put as much energy as they did! 

5. Getting Hammered at the Office Christmas Party. 
There are a couple exceptions: 
a. If everyone else is hammered, then you might be okay. 
b. If someone is obviously more hammered than you and is being more embarrassing, then you might be okay. 
c. If your not the only one making out with a co-worker then you might be okay. 
If none-of-the-above is applicable - keep your wild-child-holiday-party girl/guy in check. 
This way you avoid humiliation during the coming year. 

6. Having Sex/Very-Personal Argument in the Next Room While Visiting Family. 
If you could avoid this, it would save you from a whole-lotta awkwardness through the holidays.

7. Re-gift Something to the Person That Gave It To You. 
This is just embarassing. plain.and.simple
If you are unsure about who gave it to you - it is best if you do.not. - I REPEAT - do.not. re-gift it. Just be on the safe-side. You don't want to forever be known as the re-gifter just because you wanted to get rid of a hideous Christmas sweater. Better to donate it. 

8. Avoid the following topics during discussion: 
[Religion. Politics. Race. Sexual Orientation.]

Just keep.your.mouth.shut. Practice a little restraint
It's the holidays-for goodness sake! Let.it.go. 
You and your debating partner might enjoy a heated convo about Politics - but truuuust me. NOT A SINGLE OTHER PERSON CARES. I promise. 

9. Avoid showing too much skin. 
Now in areas where it is particularly chilly. (snowy even.) This is just dumb. 
It's considered a cry for unnecessary and very un-practical attention. 
In areas where it's sunny - avoid looking sleazy on Christ's b-day. 

10. Find other ways to express your holiday cheer. 
Even though you may think matching your shoulder-padded-wool-sweater with a god-awful amount of gold-threaded-gift boxes embroidered on it, with your candy-cane earrings and holiday socks, is showing you are ready for this holiday. 
It really should be kept in your closet. Express your excitement through wrapping your gifts, baking your cookies, and decorating the house. Please. and. Thank-you. 

This is a holiday about family.love.joy.simplicity.gathering.giving.&sharing.

(Treat it as such!)


  1. It's the most wonderful time of the year!

    Okay.. I have to admit... I'm an avid believer in my holiday sox and wear them every day possible during December. Can we still be friends?

  2. Haha... Love the guidelines. I was drunk at my husband's Christmas party but I was not the drunkest or most annoying. :)

  3. I am loving your list of do not's!!! number 4 is a big one and the whole sex thing..yeah that's awkward and I don't want to witness it lol!