Learning Japanese.

Some Facts:

I have lived in this foreign country for 1 year &  10 months, but only actively trying to communicate in Japanese for the past few months.

I have expanded my vocabulary - ten.fold. ((yeeahh!)), but I resort to jap-glish (mixed sentences of Japanese & English) almost everyday.

I have shamefully walked away from people that didn't understand my Japanese, then thought about what they told their families about me.

I have been so totally embarrassed shy of my new vocabulary that I don't use it.

I have had a few successful conversations and they make me feel accomplished.

I have bought many products where the salesman did not speak English and had to figure out how to use the product on my own (because I didn't understand the directions).

I have a notebook strictly dedicated to the phrases I use the most:

Making Reservations, Buying Clothes, Asking for the Check.
I have cried in a taxi when I couldn't tell the driver where to take me, and through my tears I asked to go back to Yokota Air Base (almost traumatized me from leaving the confines of this base again, ever).

As long as the conversation stays on a few limited topics..

I can communicate. 

As long as the Japanese can understand broken sentences..

I can communicate.

As long as the the other person speaks to me like I'm 5..

I can communicate.

Here is what it must sound like during a conversation with me:

[ I. shrimp. no. eat. today. I'm sorry. (sad face). no. no. shrimp-no-eat. hate. no. eat. thank. you. (bow slightly) ] [This. (point to shirt on mannequin). where?. I. Like. I. Buy. Please. This. (point again) I. Buy. Where?.][Check. Seperate. Two. (count to self, outloud). -one-two-. People. No. (point to kid). ((repeat)) No. (point to kid). Two. People. Yes. Thank. You.][Reservation. Please. Two. People. Six. Today. Six. Tonight. ?? Kate. Number? Hold On. English. Ok?. Good]

I also apologize after every conversation. Which (now that I think about it) might seem weird to them. But, for me.. I'm apologizing for A.) screwing up their language B.) possibly wasting their time &  C.) most likely making a fool out of myself.

Sometimes, I imagine them [[giggling]] to themselves later about me or telling their families how they encountered a crazy American trying to talk to everyone in Japanese.

Oh. Well. I keep pushing on.

Here is what I can do:

I can have a conversation about family.

Now (!!) I can make a complete reservation, properly.

I can ask where things are in the super market.

I can ask for a correct size.

I can ask for the price of something. 

I can have a conversation about studying.

I can follow a basic conversation about colors, weather, cost, likes/dislikes, and jobs.

I can introduce myself and people I'm with.

This might seem rheudamentary -BUT- it has taken a lot of practice to get to this point.

& Considering we live on an American base - I never (ever, ever!!) have to use my Japanese.

I'm incredibly thankful for my Japanese teacher - who also happens to be a good friend (and a previous student). Who is patient with my limited brain activity and space.

"A different language is a different vision of life."

-Federico Fellini  

-K